We all get old someday. Here I look at many issues that old people face and try to cope with. Here I show how to overcome old age problems in a pragmatic way and what the young people need to learn about respect.
I remember a movie I saw in The United States called A Man Called Horse which was about the life of the native Americans and the harsh way they had to adjust to the severe winter and the often scarce availability of food at times. It made them frequently move their camp in search of food and water so they were experts in setting up their tepee in a new location and also in dismantling the tepees that was done exclusively by the women.
The Native Americans took the word practicality to its extreme and discarded anything or anyone in its name. There was one scene when a very old and feeble woman was turned out of their tepee to die in the freezing cold and snow blizzard because they could not care for the sick and very old people who had outlived their usefulness in their nomadic life.
The scene was so pathetic that it brought tears to my eyes watching the old woman slowly freezing to her death. Perhaps they were practical people to whom life or death meant very little because they lived a precarious life of hunting and gathering where old people became a liability.
I often think of this topic because everybody gets old someday and faces the challenges all old people face at some point and often fall short of meeting these challenges due to many reasons that I want to write about today.
We now live in the era of practicality just like the Native Americans did so long ago and have not learned to treat old people with respect they deserve. The Confucian ideology that promotes love and respect for the old age parents and grandparents has seen a dilution due to a large measure of economic pressure under which people now live but this lack of respect and care for the olds has more to do with the attitude and is not always about money.
The joint family system that was practiced in some parts of India where the grandparents and parents lived together with their sons under one roof distributed the income evenly among all although not all the sons were earning.
It worked until the sons got married and brought into the family a woman from another family. She had no love or loyalty for the in-laws and demanded that her husband spend the money he earned for her and her children and not share with the others so it brought about a fracture in the joint family system that slowly fell apart.
Now if we observe the present situation, we learn that sons live separately and some keep the grandparents and parents with them grudgingly or at best with indifference because they have lost faith in the old Confucian system.
This has something to do with the loss of respect the daughter in law has that the sons condone to keep peace so the olds are tolerated but not respected. This puts the olds in a precarious situation so some go to live in old age homes but it is not for everybody. These old age homes are not for the poor because they are run as business and cater to those who can afford the cost.
The vast majority of old people have no choice but to live the rest of their life with their sons or spinster daughters. I have written about the abuse they suffer silently and pray that the Good Lord takes them.
There was a movie made by Satyajit Ray a long time ago called The Diary of the Road ( Pather Panchali ) that won many awards for its graphic depiction of old age problems. I remember one particular scene in the movie where an old woman rocked to and fro on her village porch late at night with an oil lamp when everyone was sleeping singing O Lord my day is over, it is now the evening of my life. Please take me now.
It was a classic movie that highlighted a problem the society has faced since a long time and still does but it is pathetic and no less sad than the Native American woman freezing to death in the blizzard at night. They felt the uselessness of their lives because they were unloved and uncared for.
Now I read the news about the young people in Spain attacking the retired old people who meant no harm to anyone so what makes the young people behave this way? Some old people live on their pensions or their own resources so they are no burden to anyone while others less fortunate have to live with their sons.
I think the arrogance of youth that has no reverence for anyone, especially old people has something to do with it. Where does this arrogance come from?
I have often heard people say that respect must be earned but it goes against the Confucian practice of showing respect to any and all. Your parents do not have to prove their worth to earn the respect of their children but should be respected without conditions because parenting is a hard job anywhere and they make a lot of sacrifices to raise their children. Your grandparents deserve even more respect because they raised your father so well and used their hard-earned life long experience to do so.
This is where the orient and the occident part ways in understanding what it means to show respect to the old people and the meaning of duty and filial subservience.
I think the fault lies with the people old or young who insist on being called on a first name basis so a child can call his grandfather John or his mother and father by their first name. This is where the seed of disrespect is sown that later blossoms into something else. This is common in the western culture.
It is easy to show disrespect if you do not love someone, so it prepares the ground for the lack of care and concern for the olds when they need it the most.
Respect comes from the realization that you owe your existence to your parents. They not only feed you but protect you from harm and always look after your wellbeing although it is also true that some parents do not do a good job due to some problems of their own.
In the animal kingdom from which I always draw my analogy, the relationship between the mother and the offspring is quite clear-cut and visible. The females will fight to death to protect the young but at a certain time will wean them off and push them onto their own. The lion will not tolerate any challenge from its grown up male cubs and may even kill them.
This is where we are different from the animals. We do not challenge our sons when we become dependent on them in old age and submit to their wishes because we become helpless. The in-law factor looms large in such situations but is not limited to it.
If the sons show a lack of respect to their parents and grandparents then it rubs off on their progeny who grow up discourteous towards them including the parents.
The frequent break ups of families due to the discord between the parents in the western culture is perhaps one reason when children in such dysfunctional families who suffer the most start to treat their parents with less than respect if they suspect their parents of infidelity, mismanagement of the family resources and negligence in their parental duties due to selfishness.
While infidelity can break a family apart causing distress to the children, it is not the only reason for the break up in the family. It may be excessive drinking or gambling or other vices that make a family split apart. Why some people drink and gamble is another story for later.
The Catholics forbid divorce in many countries so the parents may commit indiscretions due to reasons of their own and still stay together but it breeds contempt for them among the children and some may even do the same when they are adults.
When the parents and grandparents lose their moral ascendancy over the next generation due to their own personal behaviors, they lose respect that would be given them otherwise. So it is how we behave that makes people respect or disrespect us.
There was an advertisement I saw on TV where the grandfather was offering a drink of whiskey to his grandson who put his arm on his grandfathers shoulder in a very patronizing way. Such ads would be banned outright in more traditional societies where such behavior would be taboo but is common in the west.
With the industrialization and rapid urbanization comes pressure to limit the size of the family and live a more self-centered life from which the parents may be excluded. But this exclusion may also come about if the sons and daughters get jobs in different cities or even different countries and settle down there leaving the ageing parents at home with no one to look after them.
In many such cases the sons and daughters may decide to put them in old age homes where they receive some care. The old age illnesses are perhaps one reason for it but it may be also because the old age homes provide an alternative to lonely living. The Alzheimer’s or dementia that affects so many old people can be very alarming so some countries like Japan are taking steps to identify such people and put electronic bracelets on them for tracking purposes.
The old age problems will not go away as people are living longer these days so have to face some of the problems. The question is how to deal with it effectively. Those who can afford can opt for old age homes but how about those who cant afford? The vast majority of the old people cant afford it so they stay with their sons in patriarchal societies and daughters in matriarchal ones like here in the Philippines.
The disrespect shown by the young people toward the old people in some countries comes from the deterioration of moral values that the older generation failed to teach through their own example and traditions.
When some respect is shown toward them, they are more surprised than happy because it has become rare. When I gave up my seat on the bus to an old lady in Washington, D.C. one day, she was speechless and then effusive in thanking me although to me it was a normal thing to do. It is not so normal. I see arrogant young people sitting in subways not giving a seat to the elderly while playing with their cell phones or listening to the I- tunes in their headphones.
This lack of courtesy and empathy to the olds breeds contempt that others take to an extreme when they attack and kill some old people for fun like in Spain recently.
The remorse or regret that may eventually come to the young people who one day get old and get the same treatment from the new generation by then is too late to make any meaningful changes in their lives so they blame it on their parents who failed to teach them good values.
So I think we all share the responsibility of teaching and learning together the core values that guide the decency and moral behavior in all of us and solve this problem together.
There is no other way.
Universal healthcare
We all have to deal with the high cost of medical care no matter where we live in the world. This hurts the poor more than the rich so it is of great concern to the vast majority of the world population. While some Scandinavian countries and Cuba have successfully made healthcare available to its population for free or for a nominal cost, others do not follow their example calling it socialistic. Healthcare should be a basic human right and not a dole given to some while denying others.
One of the great concerns we all have is how to get well and at what cost when we do get sick. No one is immune to this problem because sickness is like a dark cloud that hovers over mankind. Sometimes we get sick due to no fault of ours just like with the Corona virus now that has claimed a million or more lives worldwide and shows no sign of abating.
We are innocent victims because someone who is sick with the virus has infected us without us suspecting it so when we get sick suddenly and die, it devastates the family and the loved ones. There are many such infectious diseases out there that pose serious threats to our health every day because we are not aware of them. Some are deadly like the corona virus or tuberculosis while others can be cured if detected in time by the physicians who may suggest a cure that may be too costly for an average patient unless he or she has medical insurance.
Or one can have an accident that is so debilitating that it destroys the person. No one can predict accidents that can happen anytime through no fault of yours. A drunk driver may hit your vehicle and seriously injure you or kill you so how can anyone know what is going to happen?
More people die in road accidents worldwide than in all the wars ever fought in the post industrial period. I personally know a person who was a dashing young man with a good future but one day he had a motorbike accident that made him a disabled person for life and put an end to his career and dreams. He now hobbles on a crutch because his leg was amputated to save his life but what life does he have? He now suffers from depression.
Another fellow had a serious accident that damaged his spinal cord that never healed and killed him within one year of his marriage to a nice girl. So accidents can happen to anyone anytime because life is unpredictable. We were so lucky that our son who fell from a swing in Mexico City one day and broke his elbow was taken directly to a wonderful hospital by a social worker where the doctors gave him the best care possible and reattached his broken bone for free.
If the same thing had happened in the United States, our bill would have been in thousands of dollars. Anyone who has an accident while visiting the United States will be in big trouble if he does not have medical insurance because the cost of treatment and hospitalization is very high.
We all get old someday if we do not die earlier due to some reasons but old age for most people means heart trouble, eye trouble,hearing loss, fragile bones that break easily, dementia, cancer of all sorts, lymphatic problems, prostate problems just to name a few. Some people who are not lucky live alone whom no one visits so they die alone and helpless in their house or apartment. The neighbors inform the police only when they smell the stench of death. We hear of such cases only too frequently.
So I started to think that the reason why most poor people in the world die from diseases and conditions is because they are too poor to pay for the expenses to get well and who do not have the medical insurance that could cover most of the expenses.
In many countries in Africa and Asia, people depend on the traditional herbalists to get well because they often prepare medicines at low cost or for free but cant help in serious cases that need the hospital care under a trained doctor.
I went to a fellow when my finger was dislocated in an accident so he pushed my finger back to its socket, made it stable with two strips of bamboo and bandaged it to heal. He was a milk vendor who was reputed to have this skill of fixing broken bones so people went to him for help. He charged me practically nothing because he did it as a service to the poor.
You may have also heard of faith healers in some countries who treat people suffering from serious illnesses and charge very little for it if they are genuine but most of them are fake and make money by fooling people. Still desperate people go to them because they have no one else to help them.
The US president Barack Obama was greatly praised for making the Universal HealthCare in America affordable to everyone but the opposition party tried to repeal the law and failed when the US Supreme Court favored the law and sided with the people.
Some European countries like Norway, Sweden, Denmark and Finland among others have a birth to death medical coverage for every citizen for free because the government pays for it through taxation giving the whole world an example that free universal medical care is possible. Cuba is another country that comes to my mind that also gives free medical care to every citizen although Cuba is not as rich as the Scandinavian countries.
The question that we should ask is why a supposedly rich country like the United States has such a high cost of medical care while other countries in Europe have free care for all that is paid through taxation? Politicians there deride free medical care in Europe as Socialistic and counter to capitalism because they support the capitalistic way of doing things that support the rich pharmaceutical companies who make big money from drugs and who donate liberally to the campaign funds of the politicians. The private hospitals are very expensive.Who cares if the poor people suffer?
I wrote earlier that some poor Americans went to Guantanamo base in Cuba and asked the doctors there to treat them for their illness but were chased away by the American armed guards. So very disappointed they went to Havana and asked people where they could get some help. They directed these poor Americans to a very good hospital where the doctors attended to them immediately and gave them all the medical help they needed for free.
The Americans were in tears when they were given bags of gifts as well by the hospital staff and very low cost medicines that they were to take later on and openly wondered why their countrymen vilified Cuba that gave them free help? They could not praise the doctors there. Michael Moore has made a documentary on it and on the healthcare system in the US that is worth watching. You can see his video on Youtube.
The Indian government now has passed a law that covers all Indians up to 500000 Rupees in Medicare expenses so that no sick person is denied medical help. India also makes low cost generic drugs to treat most illnesses and has become the low cost pharmacy of the world. It exports billions of dollars worth of medicines to numerous countries including the United States but the big pharmaceutical companies try to put many roadblocks to India because the generic drugs hurt their lucrative business of making money out of peoples misery.
There are some NGOs that collect usable pacemakers from patients who have died in the U.K and send them to many countries where the patients desperately need them but cant afford the high cost. This way the NGOs do the charitable work that they should be praised for. There are some charitable organizations in India that provide free of cost artificial limbs to the victims of accidents. These limbs are made in order to fit perfectly the patients who are given hope and a new lease on life. The Government of India also provides subsidized wheel chairs to some people of old age and motorized wheelchairs to those who are the victims of serious accidents that caused the amputation of their limbs.
I like to see health care as a basic human right because as I wrote earlier, some people get sick due to no fault of their own like in the epidemic of CoronaVirus, so to make them pay for the vaccine is like putting salt on their wound. All countries should vaccinate their citizens for free and pay for it through taxation. They should also buy the low cost vaccines from countries that have a proven track record to reduce the tax burden on their citizens.
There are many religious organizations in India that operate free or greatly subsidized hospital care to anyone in need but they alone cant cope with the demand because their hospitals have limited number of beds so this responsibility must be shared by the governments that have greater resources to set up many hospitals.
In many countries we see the problem of healthcare for the common people because the family doctors who treated patients at low cost have disappeared, supplanted by greedy doctors who charge hefty fees for their services and who often suggest non-essential but expensive tests that increase the cost.
The Muslim hakims in many countries still heal the sick people with their vast knowledge of medicine. They prepare themselves and charge very little because service to people is their main objective. I was once helped by a hakim whom I considered an angel because his ointment healed me completely. But they cannot be found everywhere so people still have to go to an allopathic doctor.
The hospitals in some countries now demand a huge deposit from the patient before they admit him and tell him to deposit more just after a few days. It does not stop there. Many doctors come to check the patient so they have to be paid a big fee that the hospital puts on the bill. Some doctors refuse to be paid by the insurance company and want to be paid in cash for a surgery or other services as it happened with us. At the checkout time, the anesthesiologist, pathologist and even the janitors fell in line to be paid in cash. The guards let us out of the hospital only after we had given him the proof that we had paid all the bills.
What is very sad are the huge bills that the relatives of the patients have to pay after the death of the patients so the families are doubly hurt. The hospitals then call the funeral parlor people to collect the body because they work in cahoots with them and collect a good commission from them for doing so. The funeral parlors include this commission in their bill to the relatives of the dead patient so everyone makes money at the expense of the grieving family.
I have come to realize that making money from the misery of others has become a very lucrative business because people do not have a choice in the matter. So I admire any government that helps its sick people in a humane way and gives them all the support they need at such times. Universal health care is or should be a right and not a business to make money from so President Obama will always be remembered and praised for his landmark Affordable Health Care law for all Americans.
Another issue is the cost of burial or cremation that everyone faces at one time or the other. The governments that operate cremation facilities at low cost protect the families from the predatory Funeral parlors so that is another way all governments can help their citizens. I hope one day everyone will have the right to live a healthy life and get help from their government when they get sick and die.
When Emperor Aurangjeb was on his deathbed, he ordered that he should be buried as a pauper wrapped in a simple white sheet by the side of the road. He wanted no grand mausoleum and epitaph but wanted to lay under the sky forever. He was a cruel king but in death he proved that we come naked to this world so we should be buried in humility as well when our time comes.